Friday, November 29, 2013

Americans and World Politics

The holidays allow us to let our guards down, to sit back and enjoy the people closest too us.

Until, of course, we are all in Wal Mart battling it out for that new plasma screen tv. Do they still make plasma screen tvs? To be honest, I really don't even know what a plasma screen is. Does it play 1080p?

It seems like 1080p is as a good as it gets, but then again, science is always improving our viewing enjoyment.

I hope that some day we can watch other people eat thanksgiving dinner without having to do anything other than turning on our tv (which is really just an over sized monitor btw.)

Of course we can do that now, but until the experience is truly three dimensional, vis a vis modern technological advancements, we are left feeling flat. Ha. That's a hilarious pun.

In the future televisions will be three dimensional, thus giving us an authentic viewing experience. Because our brains are dumb, we will believe that the experience is real, much in the way we have the false belief that our experiences with other humans are real now.

Advertising will get us to buy stuff using deception with partial truths.

Also, we might fall in love.

People think that without god, there is no hope. I think this is true.

Without god we have no hope. Unless we are hoping for a new bike, or maybe to learn a new trick on your skateboard. Then you have hope. Also, there are other things you could be hoping for. Like, sex.

It surprises me that people will trample each other for a an extra large bag of discount peanuts, but do not have sex. Peanuts are messy, so is sex. Most people do not have allergies to sex but they can be severely injured by a peanut.

Go figure.

Friday, November 22, 2013

The Imposter Club Holds its First Annual Meeting and No One Shows Up

Have you heard the expression, "fake it till you make it"? Of course you have. You probably have used it, we all have. Do you know what it means? It means that people have no god damn clue what they are doing and are hoping that they can convince someone that they are qualified to do something that someone else is most likely more qualified to do but might not be as intense at promoting themselves via social media.

Politicians use this one a lot.

Also, bloggers.

There are some skateboarders who do this too, but I don't write about skateboarding.

I'll give you a hint though, they wear silly outfits.

But back to my main reason for writing this in the first place.

I am a grouchy person.

It's not my fault really. It's not even the fault of all of the people who have jobs that they are not good at and try to hold back the people who actually are.

I think it's the fault of, ummm, foreigners.

Yeah, foreigners are all,  "we have a better education" and "our population is more savvy when it comes to world events" and other bullshit.

I'm not saying that I hate foreigners, but America is the GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD. Where else can you eat fake chicken that is marketed as plump, juicy, ripe from driving around on the highway for three weeks until they are all soft and brain dead?

Mmm, chicken.

Anyway, yeah, don't use that expression. Maybe instead say something like, "I hope I can gain the requisite skills to gain an entry level position and work hard while gaining a deeper understanding of the thing I want to do without neglecting the more important things in life like friendships and cultivating a personality that appreciates other people and personal growth and stuff."

Or something like that.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Just Pretend this is Written In Blue

To me a joke is funniest when it's like, "dude" and they're like, "what man?" and then you laugh at them and they are confused. Or you could fart. If you ever stop thinking farts are funny, then you've gotten old and Captain Hook won.

I met this French guy the other day, he also knew that it was Albert Camus' birthday. Actually, I don't think he did. But the radio told me, so I knew something he didn't.

This guy also does not believe in free will.

He told me that he works at Facebook. Facebook is really big. "At facebook", the French guy said, "we use the fact that people do not have free will in order to create empathy." I am paraphrasing, but I used quotes.

What do free will, Camus and empathy have to do with facebook you might ask? That is a very good question.

It's funny how much information the internet has to think about all the time.

So facebook is filtering its content so you will only read posts that they determine are condusive to creating a more empathetic world, which are based on demographic studies, his words. Which also show that all of us experience the same emotions in the same frequency (not at the same times of course).

Fortunately for Facebook, this will also keep its users happy.

I'm just glad that although big business is primarily concerned with profits at the expense of honest human interaction... shit, I don't think I am glad about anything related to that. Oh wait, yeah, I'm glad that the word empathy was used, even though simply filtering posts that are determined to have an adverse effect on perceptions of positive human reactions can not create empathy and will conversely, inadvertently and without concern, create the opposite effect of fostering intolerance.*

But, it works. So, learn how it's done and you can get a job I guess.

Also, a lot of people don't have a whole lot of interest in facebook, so that's good. Cause, damn, that shit's fucked up.

Oh, one more thing, they know that you are most likely to click on blue things. So from now on, only click on things that are not blue, that should create a real stir. 

*I have no idea if this is the method that they are using to, "create empathy." But I'm sure it's at least something like it.