Sunday, April 20, 2014

And Jesus Was Lifted High...

On this day of celebration I am inclined to think of those who are not as fortunate as us. Those who can not, along with thousands of others, gather in a park, or a church, or cathedral, or a sidewalk, or a 7 Eleven, or, the most holy of the holies, KFC.

When I think of them, after I wipe the sweet, hot, anointed oil that drips off of my tender dark thigh, dipped in mash potatoes and gravy, slathered in hot mustard sauce...

ummm, damn that sounds good.

So those who aren't high on grass or god aren't missing anything unless they are vegetarians. Vegetarians should never get high. I mean, when I have the munchies I could eat a bowl of dog penises, is it penises? Anyway, it just seems really hard to be a vegetarian and get high and have someone put a bowl of dog penises in front of you, let alone the Colonel's "secret" recipe.

I dont know, I guess I've just really been craving fried chicken lately.

And it's not because I'm trying to make a statement, or make a positive change, or make my mark, or mark my turf, or bless this mess.

The point is that I like to be patronizing and it is patronizing to say things like, "I can understand why people  need to do that", or "some people need to believe in something."

It's fun, I'm sure youv'e never tried yourself.

Religion is a touchy subject though, even though there are a multitude of denominations and interpretations based on translations passed down through generations which all prohibit masturbation, god that was cheesy. But yeah, the whole thing sounds very plausible until it just doesn't and then you're like, "god damn" and you don't feel the need to apologize, unless of course you are with your friend who believes that god doesn't like that and you realize that their belief is very personal to them and they are a nice, caring person even though they believe that you are a "lost sheep" and that if you don't repent god will be forced to ram bamboo shoots underneath your finger nails for a very long time all the while crying and telling you that you did this to yourself while he is simultaneously dancing with his little angels on streets paved with gold. 

On a lighter more 4/20 friendly note, I bet Rastafarians have way more fun praying than Evangelicals. Maybe not Pentacostals. Ooooh, Rastafarian Pentacostalism! Damn, now that's got to be a rush.

In summation, I saw a lot of red eyes today. All I can say to you guys is, your'e only supposed to eat one wafer, so take it easy out there and remember, you can always confess that you were high, say three hail somethings or whatever and ummm, what was I talking about, I'm really high.

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