Monday, June 30, 2014
Keep your Vagina out of my IPO
Today, The Supreme court of the United States, the greatest court in the whole wide world decided that if you are a really big company and you have a lot of millions and billions of dollars, then you can basically do whatever you want all in the name of, "religious freedom."
Seems like God might have wanted to chime in on issues such as these, (when he chose the great thinkers of the past, the guys who said you could own slaves and that women should be executed for being raped, you know, the cave men who wrote the bible) thousands of years ago.
Whether god wanted to do something great for religious liberty today, 2000 years ago or 200 years from now when our country as we know it will be called, "The United Hobby Lobby of America", we can rest assured that he is hard at work to make us safe from tyrannical freedom.
You see, religious people, i.e., evangelical christians, all know that freedom isn't free. The true cost of freedom is other people's freedom.
So what does God really think? Is God happy that many will not have access to legal contraceptives that are legal and in no way infringe upon anyones actual rights as interpreted by the President of the United States and are legal?
Does he care that some people don't want to have children? Does it make him angry when we masturbate? How about if we masturbate to the Song of Solomon? Or what if we masturbate while praying? "Dear God, I pray that this feels really good."
Would he be upset if we asked him for a better orgasm, even if it is self induced?
Maybe he would make it feel better just to show off his orgasmic powers.
It's really hard to say.
I bet God is having sex right now.
I'm one of those people who believe in the Big Bang theory.
God Banged it and, shit, how does that go?
I'm not sure but I bet he wishes he used contraceptives.