Sunday, June 30, 2013

What’s Good… Bruh?

If you drink a lot of water you will be hydrated, as opposed to being dehydrated. As a society we tend to ignore the positive state of hydration. We find that our lives are too busy to need water. I mean, I just had a glass an hour ago.

What a cocky son of a bitch.
I don’t know why we think we’re so great. I mean, our government has weapons that can be controlled remotely and take the lives of some of the greatest threats to civilization the world has ever known. Like, children.
People get alarmed when I talk about children and remotely controlled mutilation devices. We wish the people getting mutilated looked like this

But they don’t, they look like this

But if we are honest we have to admit that all children grow up to be adults, and all adults born in foreign countries are potentially hostile to the American way of life (God be praised).  If we believe in logic and truth as well as goodness and values, we have to come to terms with the fact that there are just wars. Wars that are JUST. Not like, Vietnam was just a war. It was a JUST war, with pride, and love and humanity and cake.
Come to think of it, I haven’t really had a good piece of cake lately. Shit.
So yeah, abortions are wrong because the child isn’t given the chance to be born with original sin thus joining the complicity we all share in the brutal death of this guy who said all people would be much better off if they were to “sell everything they had and give it to the poor.”

God, I’d want that guy dead too. That way I could wait a while, then I could tell people that he was talking to me and that he did mean that you should most definitely sell all your stuff and give it to the poor. Of course he would need my help. It’s not like you could just sell stuff and give the proceeds to an actual person. You’d be much better off giving it to someone you trust. 

That’s my paypal address, fyi, btw, ftw. 

So with Jesus out of the way, we’re in a much better position to focus on the positive aspects of the word of GOD. Such as, genocide. well, its not called that, its called, “divine retribution.” 

Our God is a jealous God. 

So back to the righteous wars. 
War is good, we all know that. They create revenue for the state and jobs for the people. And when I say people I mean people who once worked for the state and became contractors who sell their services back to the state because when they worked for the state they created a system that depended on wars which depend on the production of goods manufactured by the contractor.  Oh, and oil. 

See, it all comes full circle, like a rainbow if we could see it underground.
Now I am not going to talk about children anymore because children make me sad. They cry and that is sad. They want you to wake up in the middle of the night and feed them, and that makes me sad. They are younger, have better skin, have their whole lives ahead of them, new organs (especially the ones useful in filtering out alcohol) and also they don’t know how emotionally draining this place is. Although… they do tend to “fake the funk.” That is, they cry a lot making it seem like they are experiencing the harsh reality of an economic downturn all the while having a bare breast shoved in their face 80 times a day. 

I can see why Christians hate them so much.

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