Saturday, August 24, 2013

Candy Cane Dreams and Popsicle Wishes (is that a thing?)

Everyone talks about their dream job. Like, "I just got my dream job!" Ummm, yeah. I'm sure your dream was to do work that you wouldn't do if you didn't get paid to do it, or listen to some asshole tell you what to do and how you're not doing that simple task right. You know who has their dream job? Kids whose parents are rich and gave them a shitload of money to do nothing.

Paris Hilton has her dream job.

Anyone who has to do anything where they pretend they are not an asshole is not working at their dream job.

Paris Hilton spends money, makes bullshit tv shows where she proves she has no ability whatsoever, does drugs, has sex, and goes to really dumb parties with a bunch of other kids who were given a crap load of free money. That is a dream job.

When you get paid to make a fool of yourself, you are living the dream. That is, you are getting paid to be yourself. And no I did not say, to "do you." Because I don't use that expression. "Just do you bro." Yeah, do you, I think the innuendo is clear.

Homeless people also have their dream jobs, i.e., not working.

Homeless people are usually on drugs and alcohol, hang out in cool urban downtown areas that tourists pay thousands of dollars to come see, and have sex (usually with other homeless people, but still, sex) so there job comes with perks. Plus they're usually nuts. So not really any different than anyone else.

The other night this homeless lady tried to hug me. I told her that was crazy, so she hugged my friend. Don't worry, he's doing "ok." I thought she was crazy and probably had some contagious disease.  She gave me a, "fist bump" instead. Good thing I have a bottle of hand sanitizer at the ready.

So yeah, I'm not crazy, she is. But, I am still looking for a job and she is giving strangers hugs.

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