Beer Nuts are Cheap, Easy Food

Bob and Larry have been working in advertising for the last few years. Well, Bob is relatively new and Larry, well Larry has wanted to work in advertising ever since he was a kid. 

Bob got into advertising because he was offered an internship when he was in college. Bob went to college to study literature and creative writing. You see, Bob is a writer. 

Larry just loves tv. Especially the commercials. 

Ever since Larry was a little boy he loved the commercials.  “Mom, It’s on!” Larry would always try to get his mom to watch the commercial where the family is huddled together around the telephone to talk to grandma on the other side of the country. 

“Shut the fuck up you little pig”, Larry’s mom would retort. 

Larry’s little face, all plump with Dominoes pizza crust leftovers, turned to look out the window. Poor little greasy faced Larry, his stepdad would eat all the pizza but leave Larry the crust. 

Larry thought, “Someday I’ll get to eat the whole pizza”. 

And he would. 

In fact, Larry is working on a Dominoes pizza campaign with Bob right now. 

Let’s listen in. 

“How do you convince people to buy this garbage when we don’t even like it ourselves?” Bob asked with extreme exasperation. 

“What do you mean?” With his back turned, Larry whips his head around to reveal a face full of pizza and a silly grin. 

“I love this stuff!” He said with a muffled roar. 

“Oh yeah, I forgot about the whole step dad thing.” Bob remarked. 

“That’s not the only reason I love it.”

“Oh yeah, then why are there crusts left in the box?” Bob asked accusingly. 

“I like to save the crusts.”

“Ah hahaha.” They both laughed. 

“But seriously Larry, I’m starting to feel a little guilty.”

“Bob, I’m going to show you something that has helped me throughout my career, hell it’s helped me in pretty much everything I’ve ever done.”

Larry pulls out a little raggedy notepad that he has written in for years and shows Bob a page. 

The page says in sloppy writing that vaguely resembles a ransom note, 

“don’t ever feel guilty…EVER.”

“Someone told me that once and it had a real impact on me.”

Bob didn’t know whether to laugh or run as fast as he could, back to his dreams, back to his ideals and away from Larry and this empty lifestyle in which he uses his god given talent to manipulate people into making purchases from large companies that don’t care about the health or sanity of an entire society but in fact take advantage of the desperate, lonely people that are looking for anything to give their lives a sense of meaning, of belonging and some sort of purpose. 

Then, suddenly and with intense emotion, Bob ripped the piece of paper out of the notebook and put it in his pocket and stormed out of the building. Actually, he took a hit of the hash pen he bought from the guy with the plaid shirt, jeans and flip flops. 

Now that that was straightened out, Bob and Larry were able to get back to work. 

“Ok” said Larry. “What kind of people like Dominoes?” 

“Poor people”, replied Bob. 

“Good, who else?”

“Fat people.”

“That’s right.”

“Oh and people who were abused by their stepfathers.”

“Let’s not get personal Bob.”

They break out in hysterical laughter. 

“Ah, I love this job.” Larry said with a small tear welling up in his eye.

“Me too”, said Bob, “me too.”

 

Americans and World Politics

The holidays allow us to let our guards down, to sit back and enjoy the people closest too us.

Until, of course, we are all in Wal Mart battling it out for that new plasma screen tv. Do they still make plasma screen tvs? To be honest, I really don't even know what a plasma screen is. Does it play 1080p?

It seems like 1080p is as a good as it gets, but then again, science is always improving our viewing enjoyment.

I hope that some day we can watch other people eat thanksgiving dinner without having to do anything other than turning on our tv (which is really just an over sized monitor btw.)

Of course we can do that now, but until the experience is truly three dimensional, vis a vis modern technological advancements, we are left feeling flat. Ha. That's a hilarious pun.

In the future televisions will be three dimensional, thus giving us an authentic viewing experience. Because our brains are dumb, we will believe that the experience is real, much in the way we have the false belief that our experiences with other humans are real now.

Advertising will get us to buy stuff using deception with partial truths.

Also, we might fall in love.

People think that without god, there is no hope. I think this is true.

Without god we have no hope. Unless we are hoping for a new bike, or maybe to learn a new trick on your skateboard. Then you have hope. Also, there are other things you could be hoping for. Like, sex.

It surprises me that people will trample each other for a an extra large bag of discount peanuts, but do not have sex. Peanuts are messy, so is sex. Most people do not have allergies to sex but they can be severely injured by a peanut.

Go figure.

The Imposter Club Holds its First Annual Meeting and No One Shows Up

Have you heard the expression, "fake it till you make it"? Of course you have. You probably have used it, we all have. Do you know what it means? It means that people have no god damn clue what they are doing and are hoping that they can convince someone that they are qualified to do something that someone else is most likely more qualified to do but might not be as intense at promoting themselves via social media.

Politicians use this one a lot.

Also, bloggers.

There are some skateboarders who do this too, but I don't write about skateboarding.

I'll give you a hint though, they wear silly outfits.

But back to my main reason for writing this in the first place.

I am a grouchy person.

It's not my fault really. It's not even the fault of all of the people who have jobs that they are not good at and try to hold back the people who actually are.

I think it's the fault of, ummm, foreigners.

Yeah, foreigners are all,  "we have a better education" and "our population is more savvy when it comes to world events" and other bullshit.

I'm not saying that I hate foreigners, but America is the GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD. Where else can you eat fake chicken that is marketed as plump, juicy, ripe from driving around on the highway for three weeks until they are all soft and brain dead?

Mmm, chicken.

Anyway, yeah, don't use that expression. Maybe instead say something like, "I hope I can gain the requisite skills to gain an entry level position and work hard while gaining a deeper understanding of the thing I want to do without neglecting the more important things in life like friendships and cultivating a personality that appreciates other people and personal growth and stuff."

Or something like that.

Just Pretend this is Written In Blue

To me a joke is funniest when it's like, "dude" and they're like, "what man?" and then you laugh at them and they are confused. Or you could fart. If you ever stop thinking farts are funny, then you've gotten old and Captain Hook won.

I met this French guy the other day, he also knew that it was Albert Camus' birthday. Actually, I don't think he did. But the radio told me, so I knew something he didn't.

This guy also does not believe in free will.

He told me that he works at Facebook. Facebook is really big. "At facebook", the French guy said, "we use the fact that people do not have free will in order to create empathy." I am paraphrasing, but I used quotes.

What do free will, Camus and empathy have to do with facebook you might ask? That is a very good question.

It's funny how much information the internet has to think about all the time.

So facebook is filtering its content so you will only read posts that they determine are condusive to creating a more empathetic world, which are based on demographic studies, his words. Which also show that all of us experience the same emotions in the same frequency (not at the same times of course).

Fortunately for Facebook, this will also keep its users happy.

I'm just glad that although big business is primarily concerned with profits at the expense of honest human interaction... shit, I don't think I am glad about anything related to that. Oh wait, yeah, I'm glad that the word empathy was used, even though simply filtering posts that are determined to have an adverse effect on perceptions of positive human reactions can not create empathy and will conversely, inadvertently and without concern, create the opposite effect of fostering intolerance.*

But, it works. So, learn how it's done and you can get a job I guess.

Also, a lot of people don't have a whole lot of interest in facebook, so that's good. Cause, damn, that shit's fucked up.

Oh, one more thing, they know that you are most likely to click on blue things. So from now on, only click on things that are not blue, that should create a real stir. 

*I have no idea if this is the method that they are using to, "create empathy." But I'm sure it's at least something like it.

Postive Statistics From the Newly Formed Positive Statistic Research Group LTD (a Start Up)

I have been made aware that my posts can be a little dismal. So I thought since it's the holiday season, I would make a list of some of the uplifting things life has to offer. **

I saw someone smile today. Then someone gave a homeless guy a quarter.

Pizza is delicious.

Because Halloween is all month this year, coke dealers are doing very well. 

Jesus had good intentions.

Even though there are a lot of hungry children, there are rich children that eat a lot. 

Santa wears his halloween costume for like, three months!

It's really easy to ignore the fact that slavery still exists and that we benefit from it.

Some people have multiple sex partners and do not get stds.

Even though we live in what is effectively a totalitarian aristocracy, the population seems to be generally as apathetic as their congressmen, so we do experience a relative representation.

If people call you bruh, bro, brah, homie, or "friend", you can feel like people care about you. 

Although food stamps are like, $200 a month per family, Dollar stores take them.

If you stub your toe, the pain eventually goes away.

50% of married couples do not get divorced.

There are more countries that we are not at war with than ones that we are.

The police do not harass every ethnic group.

Fast food rarely gives people echoli. Or is it ebola? Either way, most likely you won't get those.

Even though we cram millions of cows into a very small area so that we can eat steak three times a day, they never get lonely. *


And last on the list of positive feel good things, thanks to the 80s, we can see naked pictures of Canada's sexiest man.

*I am not saying that I do not eat steak. I do eat steak. I like it.

**Also, there is a small chance that these posts might get better.  

What Comes out in the Dark Will be Exposed in the Light

I peed in a urinal today. Nobody was watching. I thought someone might come in and watch, so I unzipped quickly and got started. It's not that I can't pee in front of people. I like the challenge of it. And I'm not worried that someone will look over and see my urine outlet.

They call it, "stage fright" when you can't go because someone is next to you.

The fact that we are ashamed of our genitals has to be one of our most endearing qualities. And it's not that you can be unashamed and somehow win, because those people are just creepy.

Yes, you should be ashamed of your genitals. It's what makes you human.

Now, sometimes it's funny to show your friends your, "junk". It's a way of bonding. Of creating intamacy. But the guys running around the nude beach with just a t-shirt on, well, let's just say they live on the margins, kind of like the Wolverine.

I used to dream that I was in fifth grade running around school with only a t-shirt on. Maybe that is their way of confronting their fears.I like to confront my fears, but I'm not going to walk around a nude beach with just a t-shirt, no matter how hot I look, or how many pins it gets on pintrest. Well, maybe if Tom Cruise starts doing it. Or maybe John Lithgow. But even then, I'd be self conscious.

So we are scared that the rest of the world will find out that we have a, "pee pee". What a bunch of pussies. Ha. Sorry.

That was bad.

You know what else is bad? Politicians.

Politicians should all be required to only wear t shirts. That way they would have to acknowledge that they have genitals. Maybe then they would stop exploiting our corrupt system for their own personal gain at the expense of, pretty much the entire world.

I also think port o potties are gross.

Some scientists believe that every possible reality exists. So that means on some planet, in some universe, port o potties are rides at amusement parks. Kind of like a Ferris wheel. Or maybe those ones where you and your friends spin the wheel in order to make the car spin around faster. So, yeah, a port o pottie that spins around really fast.


I don't know which is worse.

"For those Ten Seconds, I'm Free"- Vin Diesel

The other day when I was riding my skateboard, something very typical happened. I started getting anxious about the prospect that I might not be able to perform a certain maneuver that was very important to me. Also, I was scared because skateboarding causes pain and as we all know, "boys don't cry." Well, grown men trying to keep their childhood on a continuous life loop don't cry, or at least it's looked down upon.

Because I have seen a lot of movies and television shows, the image of a skinny, bald, Gandhi type came to my mind. Obviously those guys know how to handle shit because they set themselves on fire when they get upset.

I figure if some dude can set himself on fire because the government won't allow Miley Cyrus to perform her, "wrecking ball" routine at the local temple, I could at least siphon enough calmness out of a posture that they probably use when they stub their toe.

The funny thing is, I knew that it would help. I put my hands together in some quasi Hindu hand gesture prayer pose thing, told myself I was meditating, closed my eyes, hummed a little and entered into what could only be described as Nirvana (like, Smells Like Teen Spirit was playing in the background).

And I didn't do it out of a joke, or mockery. Nope. That was some authentic American incorporated Eastern style meditation.

That is what I love about being an American. We get all the good stuff from other cultures we really don't care anything about.

I doubt they care though. I mean, those guys are sitting there, being deep, having peace and becoming better people all day.

I mean, I kind of feel bad incorporating another culture's thousands of years of tradition into my own selfish, me only, take what I can get at the expense of everyone else so I can pretend I am a fulfilled person while neglecting the more important parts of their philosophy that consist of doing things for other people out of a good motivation.

Kind of.

What really makes me mad is that yesterday this guy who was in line behind me in the Taqueria called in his order making the cashier stop what they were doing and essentially take his order first.

So yeah, this guy cut in front of me by using his, "smart phone." He had a smug look on his face too, like he was so great for figuring out you could cut in front of people by calling in your order while you are in line.

I did not meditate though, I wanted to be mad.

If You're not Upset, You're not Paying Wholesale

I recently overheard someone say, "most people something something, yeah, I'm cool...." I don't understand what that means. There are 7 billion people on this planet, so there is not that much anyone can say about most people, other than, "most people have dna." You can't even say that most people eat, because they don't. Well, maybe most people do.

See how hard that was?

So why do people say things like, "most people don't understand the finer points of putting gel in your hair then messing it up and going out in public like you just woke up because you like, don't even care."

Because they are dickheads.

Anyone who uses the expression, "most people" with the exception of basic human functions is a dickhead.

Most people want to pretend the world is a simple place where the only important things are those which effect them. Oh wait, is that true? How the hell could I know?

I couldn't. But, I have an idea that many people fit that description. At least people who use the expression, "most people" when discussing how great they are. It must be nice to believe that when you do something right, most people do it wrong.

Now, I do believe that most people are pretty retarded. But I also believe that I am pretty retarded.

That raises the question though, am I as retarded as most people?

This is starting to get tricky.

I'll illustrate.

Yesterday I ran into an old friend. He seemed really cool. Also, we had a lot in common. I thought we were having a great time. Then all of the sudden, he had to go.

Then I realized that I was being interviewed for a potential friendship. I thought we were just having pizza. I then wondered if I did that to people. Then I realized that I don't want friends.

Well, it's not that I don't want friends, it's just that I am really busy with my IT software engineering job in finance. So, I have to be selective with the people I spend time. It's not like you can just hang out with people because you get along really well and make each other laugh. You have to associate yourself with those people who will benefit your career ambitions. I know that sounds harsh, but it's a competitive world and sometimes you have to make sacrifices, even if that means not having meaningful relationships and having to settle for people that are nice to you because they believe that you will help them in some way.

It's ok though, you can always marry another career minded person who will read books with you that tell you how to make it seem like you are an emotionally supportive person even though you're both a couple of dickheads.

I mean, most people do that anyway. 

How I Became a Christian and Other Breaks with Reality

My friends have asked me how it was possible for me to become a christian at one point in my life. Because you know, I am a really good person. That is not why I was a christian, I just happen to be a really good person and they are shocked to think I could stoop so low (apparently).

In fact, I was so good, that I believed that it was ok for god (oops, I mean God) to send billions of people to hell for not saying that he was good in the right dialect.

Yes, I accepted that. I also accepted all of the other creeds, even though they made me uncomfortable and would eventually drive me away from the faith.

Like, let's see. Slavery, burning witches, stoning homosexuals, silencing women (that one is ok right?).  So the list goes on. The bible is a sadistic book. Christianity is institutionalized Stockholm Syndrome.

Christianity holds you captive and makes you believe that that is what you want. Nobody wants to live in fear that they will be tortured for eternity if they are bad. But, when you feel that the world is against you and all you have is the love of the creator of the universe, well, there you go.

So I felt pretty alienated from the world at one point, its pretty easy to do, just pay attention to how crazy everyone is and you might start feeling a little uncomfortable. The bible does say some good things too, like, love your neighbor. Basically, the only good thing the bible says is to love people. And it seems like that is all it would need to say.

That's when things get tricky though.

The word love means different things to different people. Add to that the fact that at many different times the god of the bible ordered his people to commit genocide, rape, and mass theft, all in the name of love, then, well, the word becomes harder to define.

Even Jesus said that he, "did not come to bring peace, but a sword." He said he came to break up families and friendships. This too in the name of love.

Back to Christianity holding you captive.

Christianity is a tricky one. It relies heavily on Platonic thought. Much like our current culture. That is why it has so easily been manipulated to fit our current state of thinking. Of course most of it is ancient and without genuine relevance, but, if you haven't thought about why you think the way you do, it can make a lot of sense.

Most people rely on heuristics when it comes to the important choices in their lives. That is why most of us work at jobs we don't like and accept a government and world that we would never be happy with. We just don't think critically.

When we are faced with hard times and difficult choices, we typically are not prepared to do so. For many Americans (including myself at one time) the idea of god just makes sense. What we don't realize is that it is not the idea of god that makes sense, the idea of god has simply been ingrained in our subconscious. So when we talk about common sense, what we are really saying is that something feels right.

Common sense is a cultural standard, not a source of understanding based on objective truth. We form feelings to codify a concept. Think about the word love for a minute, you will notice that there are emotions attached to it. Now think about the word traffic, also, emotions. Basically any concept that you can think of will come with an emotion or set of emotions.

Most christians just "know" that there is a god. What they don't realize is that that "knowledge" can be more accurately defined as cultural indoctrination based on hardwired emotions. When I was younger I had been indoctrinated into the belief that there is a god. I was also indoctrinated by our culture (secular or religious) to believe that there are good and bad people, that there is an objective standard for right and wrong and that good and evil are not only concepts, but in the Platonic sense, forms. That is, entities that exist outside the realm of thought.

As a culture, whether we are secular or religious, we think very much the same. We look down on the mentally ill, the criminals, and the unintelligent. Why would an enlightened culture do so? Ummm, because we're not really enlightened. Our cell phone might be, our political party might appear to be, our environmentally friendly car is marketed to be, but we're still living in the dark ages. And no, I did not say the middle ages, because honestly, what the fuck is that supposed to mean?

So we're all christians in a sense. Our justice system is christian, our modes of conduct, personal ethics (if we even have any) ideas of fairness, all stem from an ancient method of rationalization.

Ironically, the apostle Paul wrote, "the man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought."

Sounds like he was borrowing a little from the sophists. If I were to have a favorite bible verse, that would be the one. It's like George Carlin said, (I paraphrase) if people would shut the fuck up, we wouldn't have as many problems.

If modern christianity could have offered us something that could have been a positive contribution, it would have been that one fact that Paul pulled out of his, ummm, ancient philosophical training. We don't know shit.

What do we know then? We know that we get hungry. We know that we like to feel good. We know that pain hurts. Those are things that we know. After that, we simply use our imagination.

We make things up to make us feel like the impulses that we have are, ok.

It's a lot of trouble to try and figure out why we do the things we do, especially if all we really want is some money, a nice house, some friends who care about us and SEX .

Why would you ever feel compelled to figure things out anyway? What's the point in understanding the world if you're happy?

So, in answer to my friends question, I think at it's heart is that I am not happy. I became a christian because I wasn't happy. I stopped being a christian because I wasn't happy, and I think about how fucked up we are because I am not happy.

Now, that is not to say I am entirely unhappy. My wife makes me happy. My friends make me happy. And doing fun things make me happy. It's just that I never thought I had some noble purpose for my actions and I can see causal factors at work in my personality.

So there is my answer to all life's problems, just become unhappy and you will stop being an asshole.

Wait, did I ever say I wasn't an asshole?

How Much Wood, would a Woodchuck Chuck if a Woodchuck was Trying ReallyHard to Fit in?

I got a hair cut today. I have always gotten the same haircut*, except when I was a kid and I asked if they could cut my hair like Jack Tripper. That was John Ritter's character from the tv show "Three's Company". I really liked that show. One night I was trying to stay up and watch it, but I kept falling asleep, because I was ten. I thought I could hang, but kids are retarded.

I'm sure that never happened to you. Smug ass.

The show was a hit. I never got the sexual innuendo though. I hadn't heard the term, innuendo yet either, I mean, maybe I heard it, I don't know. Sex was new too. They told me I could do things to myself in fifth grade. They kind of creeped me out. I wasn't doing things to myself yet.

Once I started all of that, I did not refer back to the lesson telling me it was ok. Instead I just kind of kept it to myself. Also, I did not think about the girls from Three's Company. On a side note, I also did not have the internet. I can't comprehend what all that porn would have done to me. Kids these days are very lucky.

So yeah, back to my haircut. I got my haircut at a place called, "Great Clips". Like I said earlier, I have been getting the same haircut my whole life*. It's a boring cut, but it seems to  be quite popular with guys who have beards, wear jeans and work boots with plaid shirts on while sitting at a desk where they decide what improvements need to be made to the game where you and your friends figure out how many people like who more and pictures of girls or something on social networking.

One day, after getting a haircut, I saw one of these "blue collar workers" having someone change his tire for him on his PICKUP TRUCK. That is part of the reason that I went to Great Clips today. That and it was only 15 bucks instead of 30 for a "men's haircut." Also, the nice asian lady did not treat my head like a basketball. Plus, I got a happy ending. A happy ending when you get a haircut is when she uses the clippers on your neck and it gives you goosebumps.

I'd like to think that I'm not boring, but, when I tell people that I went to Great Clips instead of "place to go and be around other people who are trying to convince themselves that their lives are substantial because they all look exactly the same and work at the same job and talk about the same places to eat that other people talk about who are trying to appear substantial" well, I guess I sound boring.

I am ok with being boring, unless I get bored. Being boring is fine with me, but being bored kind of sucks. People talk down on people who admit to being bored. Like, if you are cool you won't get bored. I try to be cool, but it doesn't come naturally. I have encountered some people who seem to be cool. I don't know if they get bored or not.

Fortunately, you now have an example of boring, i.e., this is boring.

*I've had a bunch of other haircuts. I don't know why I said that. Maybe for dramatic effect.

Candy Cane Dreams and Popsicle Wishes (is that a thing?)

Everyone talks about their dream job. Like, "I just got my dream job!" Ummm, yeah. I'm sure your dream was to do work that you wouldn't do if you didn't get paid to do it, or listen to some asshole tell you what to do and how you're not doing that simple task right. You know who has their dream job? Kids whose parents are rich and gave them a shitload of money to do nothing.

Paris Hilton has her dream job.

Anyone who has to do anything where they pretend they are not an asshole is not working at their dream job.

Paris Hilton spends money, makes bullshit tv shows where she proves she has no ability whatsoever, does drugs, has sex, and goes to really dumb parties with a bunch of other kids who were given a crap load of free money. That is a dream job.

When you get paid to make a fool of yourself, you are living the dream. That is, you are getting paid to be yourself. And no I did not say, to "do you." Because I don't use that expression. "Just do you bro." Yeah, do you, I think the innuendo is clear.

Homeless people also have their dream jobs, i.e., not working.

Homeless people are usually on drugs and alcohol, hang out in cool urban downtown areas that tourists pay thousands of dollars to come see, and have sex (usually with other homeless people, but still, sex) so there job comes with perks. Plus they're usually nuts. So not really any different than anyone else.

The other night this homeless lady tried to hug me. I told her that was crazy, so she hugged my friend. Don't worry, he's doing "ok." I thought she was crazy and probably had some contagious disease.  She gave me a, "fist bump" instead. Good thing I have a bottle of hand sanitizer at the ready.

So yeah, I'm not crazy, she is. But, I am still looking for a job and she is giving strangers hugs.

Don't Watch This, its Insane

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AekFGksvuDU

Wendy Wright is insane. This is because she believes insane things and also because she can't hear a word Richard Dawkins is saying. Richard Dawkins is insane because he spent an hour having a conversation with an insane woman who would not listen to a word he said. I am insane because I watched it. You are insane because you are reading this. Also, you might be insane if you watched the video too.


The reason I wanted to write about it though is that she is a very interesting character that can give insight into all of our personal insanity.

What I mean is, she seems to be (for the most part) a fully functional member of society. Her friends don't think she's insane. She doesn't walk down the street talking to herself. Although she does talk to god (which is pretty insane).

The point is, she doesn't seem insane to everyone, but she is nuts.

Just like the rest of society.

We're all nuts.

I had a hard time with that one, but I sensed it might be true.

What struck me most about this interview was that Wendy kept accusing Dawkins of talking down to her, of being patronizing. I did not think he was ever being patronizing. He was of course, telling her that she was wrong. I guess she could have interpreted that as condescension. But i think it was a manipulative tool on her part, which stems from insecurity.

Frantz Fanon said that those who were colonized wanted to be the colonizers.

In much the same way, Wendy wants to be Dawkins. Not a scruffy old curmudgeonly Englishman with very little patience for dumb blondes.  Rather, she envies his status in society. She is not concerned about facts, she is concerned about power. She wishes to dominate Dawkins. But, not only Dawkins, she is far too ambitious for that. What she is concerned with is...

WORLD DOMINATION

Now that does sound pretty cool, but, she sucks.

People often use religion to control others, its a fairly undisputed M.O..  It's not really worth mentioning, but people like Wendy bring to light our own deficiencies. Our own desperate need for control.

There is an impulse that we have to control our surroundings. It could be a survival mechanism. Maybe it is simply fear. But that instinct mixed with fear can grow so large that it manifests itself in totalitarianism. Whether it be political, corporate or social, when gone unchecked, our need to control our environments can consume us and hurt others.

The greatest irony is that when we can not acknowledge our instinct to control others, it will control us and make us look like an asshole.

Right, Wendy Wright?

Sanctified Organic*

I haven't gone to church in a long time. I went today. It was just as I remember it.

I walked through the front door and what is the first thing that happens? Some guy acting as security pretends he is there to greet me but really he is sizing me up because, let's be honest, I do appear threatening.

Actually, if I did appear threatening it would be in less of a, "I'll kick your ass" kind of a way, and more of a, "I'm going to say a bunch of stuff that is going to upset people who are holding on to a superficial mode of conduct in order to make sense out of a complicated existence."

And it's not because I think I know the answers or something, I just express my confusion. I think that makes religious types uncomfortable.

Then, I walk through seas of people, hundreds of people, just waiting to get some kind of acknowledgement. But, nothing. It was like I wasn't even there. They really seemed unhappy.

Although the one guy at the table where they talked about what's going on with believers in other parts of the world was pretty nice.

But then another guy was like, rude. He was defending the validity of his belief system.  

There were a lot of kids running around. Some seemed happy enough, others were obviously confused by the whole thing. Some other kids seemed to think that if they just said the right religious slogans and wore the right religious t shirts they would be considered, "cool".  Really they just wanted to make out with chicks.

So at least there is some hope.

I grabbed a little snack, because it was free*, but there was something about it that made it seem like there were strings attached, you know, like they wanted something from me.

More walking around, looking for a good isle. As I turn the corner, I end up right next to this attractive girl. Oh wait, she's not attractive at all! She just has really expensive clothes on as an attempt to mask the fact that she is pretty homely.

Homely girls can be attractive though, except when they try to cover up their ugly with money.

And sanctimony!

It's weird how you can hold such socially conscious views and be really stingy with your money. 

Then this guy from behind the wooden counter starts talking. He said, "this is right, this is wrong." "Do this and you will be good, keep doing this and you will stay bad."

Honestly, it was a bit overwhelming. I think he might have actually been right about a few things.

It's weird how someone can be right about some things and be such an asshole that it makes you want to ignore pretty much everything they have to say.

The Future of Mankind

I've been wanting to write about the future of mankind. Actually, I just thought about it. But ever since I thought about writing about the future of mankind, that’s all I could think about.

Imagine the possibilities? 

The world won't be the same. I mean, the planet will. Except that it might have a lot of Styrofoam. Also, there might be more volcanic eruptions. I don’t know if there will be, I just made that up. 

In the future, man will have learned to work together to create a common destiny.  That’s one possibility at least. Or, we will have eaten all of the food. 

Sometimes I wonder if we can eat all of the food on the planet. 

What will happen when all the food has been eaten? It seems like there won’t be many people left by the time the last fat guy takes the last bite of the last Big Mac. How do I know the last piece of food will be a Big Mac? 

Seriously, who are we kidding…?

They taste so good they'll get eaten up quick. It’s likely the last piece of food will be something like, ummm, liver? It's also possible that we will have been hungry for so long that we might start enjoying the taste of organs such as liver and eggplant. 

I’m not sure if we will eat our own livers though.

Can you imagine that if we got so hungry we ate our own livers? 

I'm sure some people would.