Thursday, July 4, 2013

Relevant Information Here/hot keyword name dropping

I am very big on marketing myself. This blog is a lesson on how to to get people to find you interesting and relevant. First, people love sex. So say things like, boobs, and orgasm. For the ladies, there is the penis.
Also, people like celebrities. Just go to your favorite search engine, like, google, or... is there another one? God I'm lazy. Anyway, type in, America's most famous celebrities, then post them in order of importance.

Here is the list from Forbes (Forbes is hip right?)

Oprah Winfrey is of course the number one most amazing person ever to live and do things, just ask her.
People love Oprah. Although the people who love Oprah do not typically like me. That's because Oprah is sincere and I am insincere.
Lady Gaga
Lady Gaga is very popular
I don't know if she is sincere or not, but she is a "rock star".
Rock stars are rich and happy. They do not do drugs, but they often drive nice cars, like a BMW, Mercedes or a LEXUS!

Next on Forbes list of big shits is Steven Spielberg.

Steven Spielberg is a very busy man and has made many, many movies.
My favorite is Three O'clock High.

But since I'm writing this so I can introduce key words in a semi comedic style I will make a reference to the Transformers and Schindler's List.

I did like Schindler's List though. It's about doing the right thing.

Next we have Beyonce Knowles
Beyonce is a very attractive black woman that skinny white boys really like, especially the younger version.

Then they got Madonna for some reason, oh yeah, its still 1985. Jesus Christ.

Up next is another asshole I don't care about, Taylor Swift. Peace ho.

I'm starting to think Forbes is not as with it as I thought.
Bon Jovi comes in fifth for god knows what reason. Crap, I didn't realize how angry this little project was going to make me.

Ok, so sixth is some tennis player, because obviously tennis players kick ass. Well, the William's sisters, Serena and the other one do at least. But this guy, Roger Federer, well, I haven't heard of him though, I'm sure he's nice.

Ok, so now we're getting somewhere. You knew it was coming, and soon you actually will be.
Justin, efffing Bieber. Do we need jokes about Justin Bieber still? It seems a little redundant.

Ellen DeGeneres is next on the list and I am beginning to realize an important componatent to key wording (I just made that term up).


The people that are searching these terms are not going to enjoy my blogs. But, a little heat is a good way to generate capital gains.

So, FUCK YOU. Or whatever.

But yeah, Ellen is tight. I don't watch her show or anything, she just seems cool.

Hugh Jackman, yes! A real man. Wolverine from the X Men! He really knows how to fight.

He has a new movie coming out too, so that should help. I think he "kicks some ass".

God, this is starting to feel like a job.

So this is getting boring and I hate celebrities so I'll just list the next ones and try and say one positive thing about them.

Jennifer Lopez
Puerto Rican

Big ups to Downes Syndrome

Doma was repealed, so they are happy

Tiger Woods
Really knows how to handle his pole

Labron James
This guys kind of a badass
Holy crap, i just realized this is a list of one hundred!

so, since the only reason I'm doing this is to try and get people to read this crap, I'll just list the rest.
Simon Cowell, Katy Perry, David Beckham, Robert Downy Jr., Leonardo DeCaprio, Tyler Perry, Channing Tatum, Koby Bryant, Dwayne Johnson, Ryan Seacrest, Tom Cruise, Mark Walburg, Seth Macfarlane, Donald Trump, Cristiano Ronaldo, Jay Z, Dr. Phil, Glen Beck, Will Smith, (god I hate these people) Ben Affleck, Rush Limbaugh, David Letterman, Lionel Messi...

Ok, I give up.

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